To stop saying um so often, don't try to ban it. Notice where it shows up, which is almost always while you're planning what to say next, and train yourself to fill that moment with a short silence instead. A few fillers are a normal part of speech. The goal is fewer and less noticeable, not zero.
The plan below takes about five minutes a day: one recording to find your pattern, then short unscripted drills that build the new habit.
Why you say um
Fillers aren't random noise. Psychologists Herbert Clark and Jean Fox Tree studied several large collections of recorded conversation and concluded that speakers use "uh" and "um" much like words: to announce that a delay is coming, with "uh" tending to mark a shorter one and "um" a longer one (Clark & Fox Tree, 2002). An um is your mouth telling the listener to hold on, you're still working on it.
That's why fillers pile up when planning gets harder. In a study of pairs doing a picture-matching task together, speakers produced more disfluencies, such as fillers, repeats and restarts, when they had to describe abstract shapes rather than photos of children, and when they were the one giving the directions (Bortfeld and colleagues, 2001).
So ums gather in predictable places:
- at the start of an answer, while you decide where to begin
- between sentences, while you choose the next idea
- right before a specific word you're trying to find
- after "and" or "so," when a sentence keeps going because you haven't decided how to end it
Nerves can make it worse, because a racing mind has a harder time planning. But plenty of calm people say um too. If anxiety is the bigger issue for you, start with handling public speaking nerves.
Not all fillers are the same
"Um" and "uh" fill a pause. "Like," "you know," "I mean," "so," "basically" and "actually" are different: they're real words with real jobs that turn into tics through overuse. Researchers who analyzed recordings of people's everyday conversations found the two families behave differently. "Uh" and "um" were used at similar rates across genders and ages, while "like," "you know" and "I mean" were more common among women, younger speakers and more conscientious people (Laserna, Seih & Pennebaker, 2014).
| Word | Its real job | When it turns into a tic |
|---|---|---|
| um, uh | Signals that a pause is coming | Before most sentences, or two in a row |
| like | A comparison, or a quote ("she was like, no way") | Before every noun or number |
| you know | Checks that the listener is with you | At the end of every other clause |
| so | Links a cause to a result | As the first word of every answer |
| I mean | Corrects or clarifies what you just said | When nothing is being corrected |
| basically, actually | Mark a summary or a contrast | When they mark nothing at all |
A single um goes by unnoticed. A word repeated in the same slot, sentence after sentence, is what listeners start to hear. That's especially true of "so" at the start of every answer in an interview.
A few fillers are normal
Trying for zero tends to make people stiff and slow to start, and that can sound worse than the occasional um. Counting is still useful. Toastmasters clubs assign one member, the "Ah-Counter," to note filler sounds and overused words from every speaker in a meeting (Toastmasters International). The point of counting is to see your own pattern, not to hit zero.
Count your fillers: the one-minute audit
- Record two sixty-second takes on your phone. First, answer a question you haven't prepared for: "What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?" Second, explain something you know well, such as one task from your job or a dish you cook often.
- Listen back with a pen. Keep a tally for each filler: um or uh, like, you know, "so" when it starts a sentence, and any personal favorite.
- Mark where each one falls. Start of the answer, between sentences, or mid-sentence before a word. Position points to the cause. Start-of-answer fillers are about getting going. Between-sentence fillers are about choosing the next idea. Mid-sentence fillers are about finding a word.
- Write down two things: your fillers per minute, and your most common filler. That's your baseline.
Expect the unprepared take to have more fillers than the familiar one. That gap shows how much of your filler count is planning time.
If you'd rather not tally by ear, Talky counts um, uh and you know from a short recording and shows your pauses next to them, so you can compare this week with last week. The fluency lessons in its Clear speech course use the same short, timed rounds.
The practice plan
1. Swap the um for a closed-mouth pause
When you feel an um coming, close your lips and stay silent for a beat. Closed lips are a physical cue to stay quiet, and the silence gives you the same planning time. The pause will feel long to you. On the recording, it usually sounds like an ordinary pause.
Drill: Talk for thirty seconds about what you did last weekend. Your only job is the swap; ignore everything else. Three rounds.
2. Finish the sentence
Many fillers come from sentences that never end. Practice landing them: let your pitch drop on the last word, stop, pause, then start a new sentence.
Before: "So we got to the airport and um the flight was delayed and so, like, we just sat there and uh..."
After: "We got to the airport. The flight was delayed. We sat at the gate for three hours."
Drill: Tell a short story in thirty seconds using sentences of about ten words or fewer. It will sound choppy at first. That's fine for a drill; you'll loosen up later.
3. Know your first five words
Start-of-answer ums fade when you know how your first sentence begins. Before you answer, take one quiet breath and pick an opening that goes straight to the point: "Yes, and here's why." "Two things." "The short answer is no." This matters most in interviews; there's more in these job interview speaking tips.
4. The thirty-second drill
This is the core of the plan, and it takes about three minutes a day.
- Pick a prompt from the list below.
- Set a timer for thirty seconds and record.
- Keep talking the whole time. Wherever you'd say a filler, pause instead.
- Listen back and count. Do the same prompt once more, then a new one.
Prompts:
- Describe the last meal you really enjoyed.
- Explain your morning routine to a friend who's staying over.
- Recommend a show, a book or a podcast, and say who it's for.
- Describe a job you've had and the hardest part of it.
- Tell someone how to get from your place to the nearest park.
- Explain one rule of a sport or game to someone who has never played.
- Describe the best advice anyone has given you.
- Talk about a small thing that went wrong this week and how you handled it.
A two-week schedule
- Day 1: Record the two-take audit and write down your baseline.
- Days 2 to 4: The pause swap. Three thirty-second drills a day.
- Days 5 to 7: Add finishing the sentence. Three drills a day, each on a new prompt.
- Days 8 to 10: Stretch the drills to sixty seconds, and decide your first five words before you hit record.
- Days 11 to 13: Take it into one real conversation a day: a phone call, an update at work, a question at a store counter. Watch for your most common filler only.
- Day 14: Repeat the audit with new questions and compare with day one.
Mistakes that keep fillers around
- Trading one filler for another. Replacing "um" with "so" or a long "aaand" just moves the problem.
- Speeding up to avoid gaps. Rushing leaves you less time to plan, and the fillers come back.
- Practicing only from a script. Fillers live in unscripted speech. Reading aloud won't show them.
- Policing every word in real conversations. Pick one filler and one situation at a time.
When it's something else
Fillers aren't the same as stuttering. If you often repeat sounds or syllables ("b-b-but"), stretch sounds out, or get stuck with no sound coming out, especially if it feels physically tense, talk to a speech-language pathologist. A filler drill isn't meant for that.
